I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
