This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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