white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
