so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
