Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
