I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
