found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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