I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
