I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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