remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
