wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize