so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
