OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
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