my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
