I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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