dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
