I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
