Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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