the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Randomize
