Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
