The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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