i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
