gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize