Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I will be naked everywhere
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
