Plan B is the new Plan A
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
