I hope mine doesn't look like that
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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