i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
