i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
