I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Let's get the cat blown out
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
