he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize