Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
