Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I will be naked everywhere
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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