there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
