between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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