He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
