I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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