Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
