Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
