i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
