1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
