im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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