so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
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I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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