wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize