A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
