Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
