Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
this boner is exhausting
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
