Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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