I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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