can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
