I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
