can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
