I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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