All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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