Have you finally orgasmed yet?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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