I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
