Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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