My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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