If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
