At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
