What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
